Summer starts this week, and at Cyber-Dating Expert HQ, we always see an uptick in new clients looking for love online.
Don’t just take our word for it, as our friends at Match have predicted that Sunday, July 8th will be 20% busier than Valentine’s Day based on 20+ years of data.
If you don’t experience fireworks with someone special on 4th of July, you’ll have an opportunity to find summer love BIG TIME a few days later, and we’re here to help you look your best.
What should you do to get ready for summer fun?
Update your existing profile now to get ready with new photos wearing summer apparel.
Include some of your favorite summer activities, such as beach barbecues, fly fishing, or hiking.
Change your profile to include favorite date ideas, such as going to an outdoor concert, an amusement park, or riding a tandem bicycle.
If you have a summer vacation booked, include how excited you are to travel to that destination.
Include your favorite flavor of ice cream or frozen yogurt, as it’s a hint of where you should go on a date that extends into dessert.
There’s something magical about sunshine, beach or lake walks, and finding a summer romance that will last through all of the seasons.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo
When you say you are going on a third date, quite often the men will smile and say, “Ah, the third date. It must be the sex-date.” Women typically respond with, “You need to wait until 6 dates, 10 dates, or a month before ending up naked with your new guy.”
But has the outdated 3-date rule been replaced by the newer 3-month rule? On my recent Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert?radio show, America’s Love Experts Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal said, absolutely so. Tamsen believes in the 90-day rule as people are meeting faster with online dating, and you need to get to an emotional bond which will last longer. Her husband, Matt Titus claims that after 6 months the physical bond can fizzle out. On the program, he added that the “lure of sex” is more powerful than the actual “acts of sex.”
This also comes at a time when Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment, which was released in January 2009, is still a number one Amazon best-selling book in the category of dating and relationships. Harvey who has appeared all over network television talks about his 90-day probationary period in the relationship and insists that women should wait before giving the man the “cookie.”?
All of the experts believe that if a man truly is courting a woman he wants to have a serious relationship with, that he will wait for the right woman to be ready.?If “60 is the new 40” and “50 is the new 30” then why shouldn’t the “3-month rule” be the new “3-date rule” for first time sex with someone you are dating. Men, are you willing to wait??I asked two attractive single men today at lunch if they were willing to wait and they both said, absolutely!?
Welcome Fall! There’s nothing more exciting than the change of seasons, and the possibilities of falling in love during fall leading into the holidays.
There are endless articles on how to fall in love using words, eyes, flirting gestures, using your sense of humor, but did you know you can fall in love just by staring at someone’s eyes?
Once upon a time ago, two people fell in love at first sight just by using their eyes. One of the two, was myself! There was something about this gentleman’s eyes that captured my attention. I kept staring at him and then turning my head away quickly, a bit nervously. When we finally started talking after 20 minutes of staring at each others eyes and smiling, it turned out we had the exact same colored eyes.
I wrote about that experience in my first published book and know first-hand that this can actually work.
Perhaps I can say we fell in love at first eye-sight. Research has backed up this theory that you can fall in love with someone just through eye contact.
Then again, there are songs about eyes, such as, You’re Too Good to be True, Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, Brown Eyed Girl, Green Eyes Lady, These Eyes, Spanish Eyes, and the list goes on.
Research and instinct prove that both men and women are visual. Either the see something shiny or someone attractive that they like, or they don’t. This is why popular dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are so popular and singles are swiping right in record numbers.
At Cyber-Dating Expert, we recommend that you ditch those sunglasses in your online dating profiles and mobile apps, and make sure your potential date can stare into your sparkling eyes.
Here are 31 facts on how to flirt with your eyes
When two people in love gaze into each others’ eyes, their heartbeats synchronize with each other.
Your eyes dilate almost 50% wider when you look at someone you love or fancy.
When flirting, a woman will look at someone, then quickly look away and wait 30 seconds if she’s interested.
Perfect vision makes it easier to fall in love at first sight.
Gazing straight into a stranger’s eyes can make them fall in love.
Rapid blinking may mean someone is attracted to you.
Women will find a man attractive if another woman is looking at smiling at him.
When someone who finds you attractive locks eyes with you, they automatically go up a notch on your love barometer.
Sparkling eyes show strong emotions.
People with a strong connection of love hold eye contact for longer periods of time.
If I could have the magic wand to guarantee you’d have chemistry on a first date, I’d bottle it up and sell shares on the public market.
It’s quite likely most of you will assume that physical attraction is what results in that chemical attraction, right? Of course both men and women are physical and have a “type,” but did you know that the quality of your conversation ranks higher than physical looks when it comes to that magical feeling called chemistry?
A new Conversation Nation 2018 study released by online dating site Plenty of Fish found that singles still believe the quality of the conversation on the first date is critical to establishing meaningful connections.
Bad Grammar is worse than having bad sex
As a matter of fact, the study reveals that bad grammar is a bigger turn off than bad sex, as stated by 58% of singles. (Hint: Use spell-check, grammar, check, and watch out for auto-correct).
Since I believe singles need to give “good phone” as part of the digital courting process, I asked Celeste Headlee, conversation expert for POF to talk about the survey results and what singles should and shouldn’t talk about during a 20-minute phone date.
“Your first phone call might be focused on what kinds of things the other person likes to do,” said Headlee. For example, you can figure out what kind of date would make them happy.”
Phone conversations are important. They will determine if you get to the first date or not. They aren’t meant to feel like a job interview or deposition, but often the conversations go off the track.
Study: Questions to Avoid in First Conversations
Headlee provided a few questions that will doom your first convo including:
“What are you doing?”
“What do you like?”
“What are you looking for?”
I’d like to add to avoid questions about your dating history or why your last relationship ended. You’d be surprised how talking about an ex ends up as a default question in the first conversation, and it’s an instant buzz-kill.
Ask These Specific Questions
Not sure what to ask? Headlee provided a few easy starters including:
“What’s your position on pizza crust? Thin or deep dish?”
By keeping your conversation light, it can also lead to information helpful for moving onto a first date.
I know from over two decades of coaching singles, that some love going on casual coffee dates, where they can gracefully exit after 20 minutes, while others prefer a casual lunch to get to know someone better.
“Your first conversation and first date are both focused on one thing according to Headlee. Would I enjoy a second date with this person?” She adds, “You’re both testing the compatibility at that point, so it’s important to be genuinely curious about the other person.
The study suggests avoiding a movie or concert date in favor of a date that will nurture the conversation, such as dinner, coffee, or drinks.
The best news of the study is that 60% of those surveyed believe you can fall in love during the first conversation, so it’s time to stop swiping and start chatting.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam. xo
Research shows the majority of singles aren’t relying on friends and family to fix them up anymore.
Online Dating is the Most Popular Way to Meet
A new study shows a rapid increase of couples meeting online, to the tune of double the amount than meeting through friends.
Researchers, Michael Rosenfeld and Sonia Hausen from Stanford University and Reuben J. Thomas, of the University of New Mexico, have published their findings in a research note called, Disintermediating your friends.
What they found is that for the very first time in the United States, is that online dating is the most popular way for heterosexual couples to meet.
The intersection of the two occurred in 2009. In the latest study released on July 15, 2019, it showed that close to 40% of singles met online in 2017, as compared to 20% who met through friends. Additionally, 11% of the couples surveyed met through co-workers, with 7% through family members.
On BBC Radio 5 Live, I spoke with presenter Sarah Brett, about this research study and the upward trend of digital dating
The simple question of, ‘How did you meet?’ was asked of 3,510 couples, with close to 40% saying they met online.
The reason for this considerable spike is everyone is attached to their mobile phones, and dating apps are so easy to use these days. Using dating apps cuts out the extra time of having a middle person like mom, dad, or your BFF wait for a reply from a friend-of-a-friend to introduce you to.
It puts fate into your own hands as you swipe left and right in search of finding your perfect match.
To those naysayers who still believe dating is the same as in 1995, where only 5% of couples met online, it’s time to grab your mobile phone and create the most irresistible profile you can. I have a feeling I can help you in your quest.
The Fall season is here, the days are getting shorter, and it’s time for “Cuffing Season.”
The leaves are falling and holiday ornaments are already in the stores. It’s “Cuffing Season,” the time when singles desire to couple up, and couples decide to define the relationship (DTR) as exclusive.
In case you haven’t heard of Cuffing Season, it’s the time of the year, usually from the beginning of Fall to Valentine’s Day, after summer romances have faded. The weather is cooler, and singles decide to find a significant other to become exclusive in time for the big holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day.
Cuffing Season Defined
Urban Dictionary defines ‘Cuffing Season’ as:
“Usually the colder months; i.e. fall or winter, when new relationships start and old relationships turn into engagements. The persons in said relationships are ‘cuffed,’ meaning that they no longer seek non-platonic relationships with others.”
For those who find themselves single, don’t be surprised if an old flame reappears, even if it was someone who had ghosted you and disappeared like a Casper.
During Cuffing Season, you’ll notice singles recycling old text messages on their phones, re-reviewing matches on Tinder, Bumble, and dating apps, with new singles signing up for online dating sites to start or restart a relationship.
5 Ways to Find a New Relationship During Cuffing Season
The change of seasons brings opportunities for a new beginning for many, especially for those who stayed single during the pandemic. With this in mind, use these five strategies as part of your digital dating regime.
Accept party and business invitations and start meeting people IRL.
Send someone an in-app audio message so they can hear the sound of your voice.
Refresh your mobile and online dating profiles with updated photos and a new bio.
Engage with people you find interesting on social media who state they’re single.
Flirt on Instagram and TikTok, and slide into DM’s on social media channels.
So if you’re looking to kiss someone special under the mistletoe this holiday season, don’t wait until November or December to focus on love.
As a certified dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile, and be approachable, as it can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you might want to participate in.
Happy Cuffing Season.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Regardless of your relationship status, just about everyone is in a long-distance relationship while self-isolating due to the novel coronavirus. Technology needs to be your BFF right now.
Since you can’t see each other IRL for now, there’s no reason to push the pause button if you just started dating someone new, or if you can’t spend time with your partner.
Keeping the flow going while staying connected digitally is essential. It will help you perfect your flirting skills while keeping the spark alive, and it may help you define the relationship by creating a stronger bond.
Since you might have already spent time together before being quarantined, jumping on a video date is the perfect way to help your relationship grow in such a critical time.
Instead of talking about the news cycle, try scheduling some fun virtual activities together to create new memories. While it might feel awkward at first, it’s the new normal, and with these nine tips, I know you’ll master this in a digital heartbeat.
1. Go on a Virtual Happy Hour Date
Photo Credit: GEORGE DESIPRIS from Pexels
Who doesn’t want to feel happy right now? The first place to start is with an online happy hour date using video chat. Whether you’re using Facetime, What’sApp, Skype, Zoom, or an in-app feature on a dating app, remember to check your lighting so you can look your best.
Both of you can show up sipping a quarantini (the popular drink du jour).
While no one looks exactly like their profile photos these days, you’re not expected to show up with over-the-top filters.
2. Graduate to a Dinner Date
It’s time to ditch the sweats and show up wearing something hot, or date-night appropriate. You can cook a meal together, or binge-watch the same shows at the same time, taking turns in selecting ones that are captivating and uplifting for both of you.
At the end of your virtual dinner date, make sure you schedule the next one, like you would at the end of a great in-person date.
3. Send a Food Delivery
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Since many of your favorite restaurants are still providing food-to-go or delivery options, ordering a meal to be delivered in time for your virtual date will be a fun surprise.
Talk about any food allergies with your date in advance, or find out if they’re gluten-free or vegan before you send over a pizza or a steak.
You’ll get bonus points if you send over a box of chocolates.
4. Binge-Watch Shows Together While Apart
Photo Credit: Netflix
Everyone’s been asking friends what they’re watching, and “Netflix and Chill” has been replaced by “Quarantine and Chill.” Think of all the shows and films you were too busy to watch, and make a list with you boo, now that you have some extra time on your hands.
Netflix Party is the new hot date idea. There’s a Google Chrome extension for this feature, where you and your date can watch the same shows simultaneously. With Netflix Party, you can invite other friends, chat during the program or film, and push the pause button when you want to talk about it, or take a break to dine with your date in a video chat. It’s also a great feature for double-dating.
If you’re stumped on what shows to select, Entertainment Weekly published a list, including “Love is Blind” and “Isolation,” which both seem relatable right now.
5. Keep on Texting
Continuity is key, so sending a text in the morning to each other to check-in and show that you care is a great way to start the day. Texting helps you stay connected when you’re taking a night off from having a video chat.
Create a ritual by sending a fun video or meme to your date to brighten up their day, and make sure to use the wink emoji wherever possible.
Remember to send a message at night before you go to sleep to leave your partner with thoughts of you in their dreams.
6. Ask Meaningful Questions
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Getting to know someone, short of being in a deposition, is the fun part of being in a relationship. If you aren’t sure what to talk about that’s non-coronavirus related, an easy and bonding default is Arthur Aron’s list of 36 questions to help you fall in love.
If you’re not exclusive, head over the OkCupid app, where you can both answer thought-provoking questions to see how your match percentages add up. Since there are over 4,000 questions, ranging from politics to sex, you can spend months answering these questions to get to know your date better.
Michael Kaye OkCupid’s Global Communications Manager sent me a list of some of the new questions added to their app, including:
Photo Credit: OkCupid
What’s your ideal virtual date?
Would you say “I love you” to someone you’ve never met in person?
According to OkCupid, 25% of Millennial and Gen Z respondents have already been on a virtual date during this period of self-isolating, where the app saw an enormous increase (900%) in mentions of Coronavirus and social distancing in February and March.
Photo Credit: The Skin Deep
The Skin Deep has a collection of questions and answer cards for every relationship stage. I recently purchased both the Dating Edition and the Couples Edition from [The And], which are both good for dating with 6-feet of separation.
Each box comes with 199 questions about the size of a deck of cards, with enough to cover a month’s worth of dates. Also, they have a Long-Distance relationship version, which describes just about everyone’s relationship status during this quarantine period.
Some questions include:
Dating: What would your ex say they taught you? and What’s an opinion you have that you rarely share?
Couples: Which one of my friends don’t you trust? and What would you do differently if we weren’t together?
7. Add in Music
If you love music and are disappointed you’ll be missing Coachella, plenty of artists are holding living room concerts on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitch with your date.
On YouTube, they’ll be releasing a documentary, Coachella: 20 Years in the Desert on April 10th. Tagged as #Couchella, you can feel like you’re in the desert while watching from your living room at home.
Paul McCartney released a playlist of his songs, which he said was inspired by home, family, and kindness. You can stream Sir Paul’s playlist on Spotify, or request songs on your Amazon echo that help you feel safe at home.
8. Go Museum Hopping Around the World
Photo Credit: Element5 Digital from Pexels
If you’ve ever dreamed of going on a romantic trip to Paris, now’s your chance to go to the Louvre or visit Hermitage in Russia without a passport.
From the convenience of your comfy sofa, you can view thousands of museums and art galleries together. If you prefer staying in the country, you and your date can visit the Guggenheim museum in New York or the Smithsonian in Washington, DC.
9. Become Your Date’s Favorite Digital Pen Pal
While I’ve spent decades coaching singles on not becoming a digital penpal by encouraging them to meet offline, now’s the time to stay safe at home. By becoming your date’s steady pen pal, you can talk about the places you’d like to go, and dates you’d like to go on, when the coast is clear, and it’s safe to meet IRL.
Know that you’re in the same boat as everyone else right now, and the need to connect, form, and maintain a meaningful relationship is heightened. There’s no reason to let a hopeful relationship fade, just because you’re stuck indoors. Let technology be your best friend during isolation.
If your date card is empty, try casting a wider net and schedule some summertime dates, out-of-town.
The summer heat is rolling, school’s out, the airports are crowded, and it’s time to start thinking about summer love and your very own fireworks display.
The Fourth of July holiday is around the corner, National Kissing Day, just two days later on July 6th, and Match predicts the busiest day for dating this summer will be on Saturday, July 8th.
With that in mind, it’s also a busy time for online dating, with new singles joining dating sites to find a summer romance, or maybe even more.
As a dating coach, I always recommend that singles expand their search by changing their zip codes. If you knew the person of your dreams was in another city, would you be willing to hop on a plane to meet him or her?
To make it easier to date while in vacation mode, I have two approaches that work well.
1. Act like your in vacation mode.
Have you ever noticed how friendly people are while they’re on vacation? They let their guards down and don’t size each other up based on their resumes and work history like they do at home. As a result, it’s easier to strike up a conversation with someone who’s sitting next to you on a plane, or poolside as you sip on a frozen libation. If your summer doesn’t include a fantastic trip to the Greek Islands, why not act as if you’re there? Try smiling more often, engaging with someone who’s not your usual type, and even the playing field while leaving work behind.
2. Go on a Date-Cation.
This means getting prepared in advance, by joining or being very active on an online dating site before you leave, using mobile dating apps when you’re there, changing your profiles to indicate that you’ll be on vacation and listing the city, and going on dates every day while you’re gone.
While the thought of becoming a serial dater while on vacation might not sound appealing, it’s effective, and you’ll have an opportunity to be the out-of-town girl or guy everyone wants to meet.
While I recommend going into the vacation zone for singles, whether they’re home or venturing out to another city, don’t just take my word for it.
Online dating site Plenty of Fish polled over 1500 singles in the U.S. aged 18-60 to find out how they felt about dating while on vacation. It turns out the majority (over 70 percent) were open to the opportunity to go on a date while out of town.
While I’m not an advocate of the ‘Mile High Club,” 52 percent of singles in the POF survey had experienced having a great conversation with someone on the plane, and 20% actually hooked up on a plane or a train.
If you find yourself seated next to someone attractive and exciting, be bold and take it a step further.
Ask the person who you shared your life story with at 15,000 miles in the sky if they’d like to meet for a drink or go to a museum while you’re in town.
Some other fun facts from the survey include:
49 percent of singles had gone on a date while on vacation.
40 percent of singles had a vacation fling.
22 percent of singles fell in love while on vacation.
46 percent used a dating app to scope out singles in another city before traveling there.
16 percent of singles ended up in a long-term relationship with someone they met while on vacation.
All of these possibilities are just a click, swipe, or smile away.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.
