Research shows the majority of singles aren’t relying on friends and family to fix them up anymore.
Online Dating is the Most Popular Way to Meet
A new study shows a rapid increase of couples meeting online, to the tune of double the amount than meeting through friends.
Researchers, Michael Rosenfeld and Sonia Hausen from Stanford University and Reuben J. Thomas, of the University of New Mexico, have published their findings in a research note called, Disintermediating your friends.
What they found is that for the very first time in the United States, is that online dating is the most popular way for heterosexual couples to meet.
The intersection of the two occurred in 2009. In the latest study released on July 15, 2019, it showed that close to 40% of singles met online in 2017, as compared to 20% who met through friends. Additionally, 11% of the couples surveyed met through co-workers, with 7% through family members.
On BBC Radio 5 Live, I spoke with presenter Sarah Brett, about this research study and the upward trend of digital dating
The simple question of, ‘How did you meet?’ was asked of 3,510 couples, with close to 40% saying they met online.
The reason for this considerable spike is everyone is attached to their mobile phones, and dating apps are so easy to use these days. Using dating apps cuts out the extra time of having a middle person like mom, dad, or your BFF wait for a reply from a friend-of-a-friend to introduce you to.
It puts fate into your own hands as you swipe left and right in search of finding your perfect match.
To those naysayers who still believe dating is the same as in 1995, where only 5% of couples met online, it’s time to grab your mobile phone and create the most irresistible profile you can. I have a feeling I can help you in your quest.
At Cyber-Dating Expert, we care about your safety. Safety goes beyond just meeting in a public place and having your own transportation.
Dating online should be an experience for you to grow personally, but also be a platform and environment for singles to feel safe.
With the serious concerns of the Coronavirus pandemic, most conferences and vacations are canceled or moved online, and just about every store is sold-out of hand-sanitizers.
I’ve been asked if meeting new dates should also be on hold.
Should you stop swiping and chatting on dating apps?
Do you really want to go to a public place with a stranger who might be sneezing into their meal? (No)
If you’re swiping on Tinder, chances are you’ll see this pop up notice with safety tips, along with a link to the World Health Organization’s website.
Tinder recommends the following to their subscribers:
Wash your hands frequently
Carry hand sanitizer
Avoid touching your face
Maintain social distance in public gatherings
As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to spread, awareness is vital, and plans do tend to change. Social distancing is the new sexy, and flirting in video chats are the new normal.
Here’s How to Keep the Spark Alive
As it relates to matters of the heart, if you’re already coupled up, you might want to stay home and self-isolate with your date and binge watch a few shows. For those who haven’t met yet, I recommend using video chat instead of canceling a date.
In an article in the March 5th edition of the Wall Street Journal, Rachel Wolfe interviewed me, along with dating apps and some users, about the trend of going on a video date before meeting in person.
A new Google Crome extension called Netflix Party will allow you and your date to simultaneously stream the same shows together, with a chat comment feature and the ability to click the pause button.
Since I’m a technology enthusiast, I think using Facetime for a date, or in app video or phone features found on Bumble, Grindr, and Match and other dating apps to keep the digital spark alive.
And if you do have the common cold, do yourself and everyone else a favor, and stay home.
Since just about every store is out-of-stock of hand sanitizers, or people are selling bottles of it at outrageous prices, you can create a make-shift one at home using vodka or alcohol.
Remember, we need to make good decisions about everyday life, especially when meeting someone new, and the coronavirus is a reminder to take precautions to protect your health.
The Fall season is here, the days are getting shorter, and it’s time for “Cuffing Season.”
The leaves are falling and holiday ornaments are already in the stores. It’s “Cuffing Season,” the time when singles desire to couple up, and couples decide to define the relationship (DTR) as exclusive.
In case you haven’t heard of Cuffing Season, it’s the time of the year, usually from the beginning of Fall to Valentine’s Day, after summer romances have faded. The weather is cooler, and singles decide to find a significant other to become exclusive in time for the big holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day.
Cuffing Season Defined
Urban Dictionary defines ‘Cuffing Season’ as:
“Usually the colder months; i.e. fall or winter, when new relationships start and old relationships turn into engagements. The persons in said relationships are ‘cuffed,’ meaning that they no longer seek non-platonic relationships with others.”
For those who find themselves single, don’t be surprised if an old flame reappears, even if it was someone who had ghosted you and disappeared like a Casper.
During Cuffing Season, you’ll notice singles recycling old text messages on their phones, re-reviewing matches on Tinder, Bumble, and dating apps, with new singles signing up for online dating sites to start or restart a relationship.
5 Ways to Find a New Relationship During Cuffing Season
The change of seasons brings opportunities for a new beginning for many, especially for those who stayed single during the pandemic. With this in mind, use these five strategies as part of your digital dating regime.
Accept party and business invitations and start meeting people IRL.
Send someone an in-app audio message so they can hear the sound of your voice.
Refresh your mobile and online dating profiles with updated photos and a new bio.
Engage with people you find interesting on social media who state they’re single.
Flirt on Instagram and TikTok, and slide into DM’s on social media channels.
So if you’re looking to kiss someone special under the mistletoe this holiday season, don’t wait until November or December to focus on love.
As a certified dating and relationship expert and coach, I encourage you to take the covers off your head, go out with a big smile, and be approachable, as it can be an exciting time for love. Sipping hot toddies or hot chocolate by the fireplace is a visual you might want to participate in.
Happy Cuffing Season.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Regardless of your relationship status, just about everyone is in a long-distance relationship while self-isolating due to the novel coronavirus. Technology needs to be your BFF right now.
Since you can’t see each other IRL for now, there’s no reason to push the pause button if you just started dating someone new, or if you can’t spend time with your partner.
Keeping the flow going while staying connected digitally is essential. It will help you perfect your flirting skills while keeping the spark alive, and it may help you define the relationship by creating a stronger bond.
Since you might have already spent time together before being quarantined, jumping on a video date is the perfect way to help your relationship grow in such a critical time.
Instead of talking about the news cycle, try scheduling some fun virtual activities together to create new memories. While it might feel awkward at first, it’s the new normal, and with these nine tips, I know you’ll master this in a digital heartbeat.
1. Go on a Virtual Happy Hour Date
Photo Credit: GEORGE DESIPRIS from Pexels
Who doesn’t want to feel happy right now? The first place to start is with an online happy hour date using video chat. Whether you’re using Facetime, What’sApp, Skype, Zoom, or an in-app feature on a dating app, remember to check your lighting so you can look your best.
Both of you can show up sipping a quarantini (the popular drink du jour).
While no one looks exactly like their profile photos these days, you’re not expected to show up with over-the-top filters.
2. Graduate to a Dinner Date
It’s time to ditch the sweats and show up wearing something hot, or date-night appropriate. You can cook a meal together, or binge-watch the same shows at the same time, taking turns in selecting ones that are captivating and uplifting for both of you.
At the end of your virtual dinner date, make sure you schedule the next one, like you would at the end of a great in-person date.
3. Send a Food Delivery
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Since many of your favorite restaurants are still providing food-to-go or delivery options, ordering a meal to be delivered in time for your virtual date will be a fun surprise.
Talk about any food allergies with your date in advance, or find out if they’re gluten-free or vegan before you send over a pizza or a steak.
You’ll get bonus points if you send over a box of chocolates.
4. Binge-Watch Shows Together While Apart
Photo Credit: Netflix
Everyone’s been asking friends what they’re watching, and “Netflix and Chill” has been replaced by “Quarantine and Chill.” Think of all the shows and films you were too busy to watch, and make a list with you boo, now that you have some extra time on your hands.
Netflix Party is the new hot date idea. There’s a Google Chrome extension for this feature, where you and your date can watch the same shows simultaneously. With Netflix Party, you can invite other friends, chat during the program or film, and push the pause button when you want to talk about it, or take a break to dine with your date in a video chat. It’s also a great feature for double-dating.
If you’re stumped on what shows to select, Entertainment Weekly published a list, including “Love is Blind” and “Isolation,” which both seem relatable right now.
5. Keep on Texting
Continuity is key, so sending a text in the morning to each other to check-in and show that you care is a great way to start the day. Texting helps you stay connected when you’re taking a night off from having a video chat.
Create a ritual by sending a fun video or meme to your date to brighten up their day, and make sure to use the wink emoji wherever possible.
Remember to send a message at night before you go to sleep to leave your partner with thoughts of you in their dreams.
6. Ask Meaningful Questions
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Getting to know someone, short of being in a deposition, is the fun part of being in a relationship. If you aren’t sure what to talk about that’s non-coronavirus related, an easy and bonding default is Arthur Aron’s list of 36 questions to help you fall in love.
If you’re not exclusive, head over the OkCupid app, where you can both answer thought-provoking questions to see how your match percentages add up. Since there are over 4,000 questions, ranging from politics to sex, you can spend months answering these questions to get to know your date better.
Michael Kaye OkCupid’s Global Communications Manager sent me a list of some of the new questions added to their app, including:
Photo Credit: OkCupid
What’s your ideal virtual date?
Would you say “I love you” to someone you’ve never met in person?
According to OkCupid, 25% of Millennial and Gen Z respondents have already been on a virtual date during this period of self-isolating, where the app saw an enormous increase (900%) in mentions of Coronavirus and social distancing in February and March.
Photo Credit: The Skin Deep
The Skin Deep has a collection of questions and answer cards for every relationship stage. I recently purchased both the Dating Edition and the Couples Edition from [The And], which are both good for dating with 6-feet of separation.
Each box comes with 199 questions about the size of a deck of cards, with enough to cover a month’s worth of dates. Also, they have a Long-Distance relationship version, which describes just about everyone’s relationship status during this quarantine period.
Some questions include:
Dating: What would your ex say they taught you? and What’s an opinion you have that you rarely share?
Couples: Which one of my friends don’t you trust? and What would you do differently if we weren’t together?
7. Add in Music
If you love music and are disappointed you’ll be missing Coachella, plenty of artists are holding living room concerts on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitch with your date.
On YouTube, they’ll be releasing a documentary, Coachella: 20 Years in the Desert on April 10th. Tagged as #Couchella, you can feel like you’re in the desert while watching from your living room at home.
Paul McCartney released a playlist of his songs, which he said was inspired by home, family, and kindness. You can stream Sir Paul’s playlist on Spotify, or request songs on your Amazon echo that help you feel safe at home.
8. Go Museum Hopping Around the World
Photo Credit: Element5 Digital from Pexels
If you’ve ever dreamed of going on a romantic trip to Paris, now’s your chance to go to the Louvre or visit Hermitage in Russia without a passport.
From the convenience of your comfy sofa, you can view thousands of museums and art galleries together. If you prefer staying in the country, you and your date can visit the Guggenheim museum in New York or the Smithsonian in Washington, DC.
9. Become Your Date’s Favorite Digital Pen Pal
While I’ve spent decades coaching singles on not becoming a digital penpal by encouraging them to meet offline, now’s the time to stay safe at home. By becoming your date’s steady pen pal, you can talk about the places you’d like to go, and dates you’d like to go on, when the coast is clear, and it’s safe to meet IRL.
Know that you’re in the same boat as everyone else right now, and the need to connect, form, and maintain a meaningful relationship is heightened. There’s no reason to let a hopeful relationship fade, just because you’re stuck indoors. Let technology be your best friend during isolation.
A picture says 1000 words, and in my expert opinion, you’re only as attractive as your least attractive dating profile photo. If your profile hasn’t been updated in a year or more, and your message box is on the empty side, it’s time for a digital facelift to add a sparkle to your profile with the goal of more matches, conversations, and dates.
With that in mind, and after my viewing and selecting thousands and thousands of dating profile photos over three decades, when it comes to picking the best photos to upload to your dating app profile, you’ll need to select the pictures that show you at your best with a variety of looks and styles.
That means you need to instantly ditch the overly filtered pics, photos wearing sunglasses, and large party shots which can be confusing to a potential match. All of these will make your potential dream date easily swipe left in a digital nano-second.
So, which photos are the best to attract your ideal date? My handy list of seven profile perfect photos should minimize the confusion, and fill your date card to attract your perfect match.
Let’s Get Started…
1. Your Primary Photo
When deciding which photo to post on your dating app, think about love, not lust. A sexy photo showing cleavage for a woman’s profile is guaranteed to get likes and right swipes, but it sends a message that you might end up in the bedroom sooner rather than later.
My advice is a blend of a toned-down version of what you’d see on your Linkedin profile without appearing like you’re appealing to a corporate recruiter, combined with a romantic look gazing into your date’s eyes. How do you accomplish this? It’s as simple as thinking about blowing a kiss to the camera but holding back on that gesture.
In addition, what you wear not only matters but so does the color of your outfit. I’m a fan of wearing red, and research backs it up. According to a study from psychologists at theUniversity of Rochester, the “red effect” showed that men found women wearing the color red more attractive and even spent more money on a date with someone whose photo featured red. Is it time to toss out the little black dress picture on your profile photo? I think so.
Digital Matchmaker Tip:Don’t use AI to generate some Instagram-worthy photos of yourself, leave them on a social media account and off of your dating profile.
2. The Full-Length Body Shot
Many online dating apps provide a field or filter where you describe your body type. Before you get ready to fib and say you’re slim or athletic because you felt that way a decade earlier, know that not every match is looking for a skinny Minnie. A curvy body is a turn-on for many. That’s why your associated photo needs to match your body type closely. If you’ve been on a fitness and diet regime and recently lost weight, mention it in your profile. You might find your date did the same, and can easily find a cheering squad online with potential matches.
Digital Matchmaker Tip: The absence of a full-length body shot always leads people to think you’re hiding something, with many automatically swiping left or clicking the X button on a profilewithout one.
3. The Activity Shot
Both men and women are visual, and when swiping through endless profiles, they desire to be matched with someone who is in shape and takes fitness seriously, or someone who lives a life filled with some type of physical activity outside of work.
I suggest asking a friend to snap a photo of you playing pickleball (which happens to be a top popular keyword singles are searching for), playing tennis or attending a tennis match, hiking on your favorite trail, in a pilates or yoga class, golfing, skiing, snowboarding, archery, or another sport that you’d like to share with a date.
These activity shots show that you take care of both your mind and body and also provides your date with an easy icebreaker to chat about with a first date idea suggestion. Be specific in your bio on which trails you like, how often you play a particular sport, or even state that you’re a beginner and could use a little help.
Digital Matchmaker Tip: Include in your bio if you’re a beginner in a particular sport, and you just might a date who will happily give you lessons.
4. The Hobby Shot
Having a unique hobby shows you’d make an interesting date. Not all leisure and pastimes involve a physical sport cardio workout.
Perhaps you belong to a book club, enjoy reading novels, writing essays, playing the piano or guitar, landscape photography, making pottery, or going to wine tastings or collecting fine wines. Whatever your passion is, add it to your dating profile to add intrigue and interest.
Digital Matchmaker Tip: Whatever you feel enthusiastic about doing in your spare time, add photos to show that unique side of you. In other words, show it, not just say it.
5. Your Favorite Vacation Photos
Nothing is more bonding than sharing photos of a recent or dream vacation. These photos easily spark conversations, where someone can easily ask you when you visited Katmandu or even ask you for travel advice on a spot they’ve always wanted to visit.
Did you go hiking in the Tetons? Someone might say they’ve always wanted to travel to Wyoming and that it’s on their bucket list. Snorklling in the Caymans or Tahiti? Show your beautiful underwater photos and a pic wearing your snorkeling gear.
Just returned from a cruise? Post your photo when you first went onboard the ship, or one along with the Captain at the cocktail party. Other cruise-loving matches will know you’re compatible and might share a vacation they’ve recently returned from and will want to swap stories.
Planning and reminiscing about vacations can easily form a bond. After all, that’s why bucket-lists exist.
Digital Matchmaker Tip: Play a game and ask a question in your profile to trigger a response. It’s a simple as asking, Can you guess where this photo was taken?
6. The Dressy Shot
It may feel like a cliche, but a tuxedo photo or a female photo wearing a cocktail dress is appealing. I wouldn’t recommend stating on your profile that you can go from jeans to black tie, as it’s overused, but again, show it, don’t say it.
Dressy photos typically show you looking your best because everyone primps before a big party, wedding, or cocktail reception where you’ll find cameras galore. As casual as your potential date might be during the daytime, if they have an invite to an upcoming event, you might end up to top of mind and receive an invitation to join them.
You’ll notice this even more around the winter holidays, so if you happen to have a stunning red dress, your odds of receiving photo likes, matches, and conversations will dramatically increase. The late fashion designer Bill Blass had a quote that’s perfect for the occasion. He said, “When in doubt, wear red.” I have to agree, again.
Digital Matchmaker Tip: A dressy photo is not the same as on old prom shot, so leave those pictures in your aging photo albums.
7. The Casual Photo
The polar opposite to the dressy picture is a casual photo, which is appealing to matches.
The casual photo shows your down-to-earth personality and helps matches think you could be the girl next door and not a high-maintenance person, which could result in your date running for the digital hills.
One suggestion is to select an outdoor shot where the lighting is great. A good example is posting an image sitting on a log from a hike, wearing no makeup. Another is a casual jeans and tee shirt photo lounging at home, and thinking about your dream date. These natural photos receive a lot of likes, and even more likes when you’re wearing red.
Digital Matchmaker Tip: Post a black and white photo to create an even more casual look.You can easily convert your colored photo to by using the editing features on your mobile phone.
Honorable Mention – The Puppy Love Shot
There’s a reason they say a dog is man’s best friend. If you truly have a puppy (no kittenfishing allowed), then post a photo with your four-legged friend to attract another pet lover.
Who knows? You might go on a double date with your new match and their pet to the dog park.
By using these 7-8 different photos, and remember to rotate them on your dating app profile, it will show a perfect balance and lead to developing a quicker and more meaningful connection.
At the end of the digital day, you’ll find it refreshing and flattering when your date tells you that you’re more attractive in person than in the photos that drew them to you.
If you need some extra hand-holding, reach out and let us know how we can help.
If your date card is empty, try casting a wider net and schedule some summertime dates, out-of-town.
The summer heat is rolling, school’s out, the airports are crowded, and it’s time to start thinking about summer love and your very own fireworks display.
The Fourth of July holiday is around the corner, National Kissing Day, just two days later on July 6th, and Match predicts the busiest day for dating this summer will be on Saturday, July 8th.
With that in mind, it’s also a busy time for online dating, with new singles joining dating sites to find a summer romance, or maybe even more.
As a dating coach, I always recommend that singles expand their search by changing their zip codes. If you knew the person of your dreams was in another city, would you be willing to hop on a plane to meet him or her?
To make it easier to date while in vacation mode, I have two approaches that work well.
1. Act like your in vacation mode.
Have you ever noticed how friendly people are while they’re on vacation? They let their guards down and don’t size each other up based on their resumes and work history like they do at home. As a result, it’s easier to strike up a conversation with someone who’s sitting next to you on a plane, or poolside as you sip on a frozen libation. If your summer doesn’t include a fantastic trip to the Greek Islands, why not act as if you’re there? Try smiling more often, engaging with someone who’s not your usual type, and even the playing field while leaving work behind.
2. Go on a Date-Cation.
This means getting prepared in advance, by joining or being very active on an online dating site before you leave, using mobile dating apps when you’re there, changing your profiles to indicate that you’ll be on vacation and listing the city, and going on dates every day while you’re gone.
While the thought of becoming a serial dater while on vacation might not sound appealing, it’s effective, and you’ll have an opportunity to be the out-of-town girl or guy everyone wants to meet.
While I recommend going into the vacation zone for singles, whether they’re home or venturing out to another city, don’t just take my word for it.
Online dating site Plenty of Fish polled over 1500 singles in the U.S. aged 18-60 to find out how they felt about dating while on vacation. It turns out the majority (over 70 percent) were open to the opportunity to go on a date while out of town.
While I’m not an advocate of the ‘Mile High Club,” 52 percent of singles in the POF survey had experienced having a great conversation with someone on the plane, and 20% actually hooked up on a plane or a train.
If you find yourself seated next to someone attractive and exciting, be bold and take it a step further.
Ask the person who you shared your life story with at 15,000 miles in the sky if they’d like to meet for a drink or go to a museum while you’re in town.
Some other fun facts from the survey include:
49 percent of singles had gone on a date while on vacation.
40 percent of singles had a vacation fling.
22 percent of singles fell in love while on vacation.
46 percent used a dating app to scope out singles in another city before traveling there.
16 percent of singles ended up in a long-term relationship with someone they met while on vacation.
All of these possibilities are just a click, swipe, or smile away.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.
Now that the Super Bowl has come and gone, the “Super Bowl of Love,” Valentine’s Day and weekend will be here in a digital minute, so it’s time to cue Cupid.
There’s no doubt about it, V-Day is filled with enormous expectations for both singles and couples. It’s the most romantic day of the year, and it puts pressure on new relationships, with some admitting they feel they’re being tested on the romance scale.
February 14th could send someone running for the hills, hiding under the covers, or you can choose to embrace the red hearts and chocolates. I think I’ll take Option 3.
1. Have a Conversation On How You Want to Celebrate the Day (or not)
While many procrastinate and wait until the last minute to decide what to do, knowing there’s a plan in place reduces the stress. No one wants a nagging SO asking every day if they’ve made a dinner reservation.
While talking about Valentine’s Day, you might realize your needs and expectations have changed this year. Don’t assume your partner wants to go to a fancy restaurant or expects an expensive piece of jewelry. Take the time to communicate how you want to celebrate V-Day and consider it an act love.
By taking the time to communicate how you want to celebrate V-Day with a romantic partner, you’ll reduce the risk of disappointment.
Since many restaurants book up a month in advance, having a low-key night at home must just be what the doctor ordered. After all, spending time together is the ultimate goal.
If you’re feeling stressed about Valentine’s, you’re not alone. A recent survey shows that 74% of singles believe V-Day adds too much pressure on a budding new relationship.
2. Consider Small Gifts and Cards
Romantic coupon books to your partner are both meaningful and affordable. It’s like having an IOU for after Valentine’s Day for a great massage, an hour of uninterrupted kissing, and a sure-fire way of guaranteeing another date.
If your relationship’s been labeled for a while, give your sweetheart something to memorialize the time spent together. A personalized fill-in-the-blanks book, such as “What I Love About You by Me,” from Knock Knock is a great and affordable gift because it helps you go down memory lane together and shows your appreciation.
Remember to pick up a few Valentine’s cards for your SO. If you remember how excited you were to receive Valentine’s cards back in grade school, know that a card with a hand-written sentiment becomes a keepsake for your relationship.
Ordering or picking up cupcakes and nibbling on them together is a sweet way to celebrate the day. The scent of freshly baked cookies or cinnamon rolls in the kitchen can waken his or her desire.
3. Find Another Day to Celebrate
In a Valentine’s interview on the Bumble blog, I told Danielle Kam, that couples can celebrate Valentine’s Day on a day that works for them. Especially since this year Valentine’s Day is on a Friday, you can choose one night of the weekend, or to celebrate the whole weekend long.
Ultimately, you should remember that Valentine’s Day is not about what you do (or don’t do), but about who you’re with. “The most important thing is to make sure you spend time together,” says Spira. Just treat it like a block of 24 hours on the calendar where you get to hang out and do things you love, no pressure necessary.
4. Celebrate Galentine’s Day on February 13th
What would we do without our girlfriends? All year long they cheer us on and listen to our dating dilemmas. The day before Valentine’s Day is Galentine’s Day, a day to celebrate female friendships, and those relationships are guaranteed to last for decades.
If you haven’t heard of Galentine’s Day, it was created on the TV show, Parks and Recreation in 2010, and one year later, it became a trending topic on social media. Schedule, lunch, brunch, or even a virtual Galentine’s celebration with a mocktail or a cocktail.
5. Be Your Own Valentine
Finally, if you’re flying solo this year, remember to love yourself first. Pick up chocolates and red tulips, draw a bubble bath, light some candles, and mail yourself a Valentine’s card. I did this one year, and it was a wonderful way to celebrate self-love.
Whatever you do, and wherever you go, I wish you much love and joy on Valentine’s Day.
