Is Speed Dating Making a Comeback?

When a New York Times reporter asked me to weigh in for an article on the return of speed dating services, we had a lot to talk about. In an almost post-pandemic dating world, the pent-up demand for dating IRL (in real life versus virtual dating) makes a lot of sense. I call it a hybrid form of dating where you sign up online for an event and show up to see if you have that instant chemistry or not. These days, even with couples meeting online more than doubling in numbers than couples who met through friends, singles need a hybrid dating strategy. Adding in speed dating fits the bill.

In the New York Times story, Is it Time to Try Speed Dating?, I shared these thoughts with the writer, Becky Hughes.

“What’s old is new again,” said Julie Spira, a dating coach who runs a company called Cyber-Dating Expert. She noted that the first documented speed dating event was held at a coffee shop in Beverly Hills in 1998. The host, Rabbi Yaacov Deyo, “was trying to form connections for Jewish singles so they can stay within the tribe,” Ms. Spira said, “and it caught on.”

“If you look at the swiping apps, it’s less than three seconds for a person to decide whether to swipe right or left,” Ms. Spira said. “It’s a millisecond!” After Tinder arrived in 2012, she saw several speed dating companies shut down, including HurryDate and No Waiting Dating. “They got old and stale because dating apps were the new shiny way to meet someone,” she said.

Some of the speed dating companies mentioned in the article include: We Met IRL in New York, formed earlier this year, Ambyr Club catering to the high-end market (with a price tag of about $150), and CWAQ – the acronym for Connect with a Cutie.

The point of online dating and using mobile dating apps such as Match, Hinge, Bumble, OkCupid, and Tinder is to connect with someone offline instead of sending endless texts to people you’ll never meet. I’m thrilled to see the renewed interest in speed dating services if only to start socializing again after a long lockdown period and welcome these new services and activities.

Bumble Launches Bumble IRL

Continuing with the theme of meeting IRL, Bumble, the dating app where the women make the first move, has been curating in-person events for several years and recently announced Bumble IRL.

On April 28th, you can work up a sweat with other singles as Bumble partnered with SoulCycle in 10 U.S. cities for an evening class. You’re in luck if you live in Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Austin, Dallas, Denver, Miami, New York, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.

In May and June, the app will co-host free evening events with TopGolf in nine cities per month, including Atlanta, Austin, Chicago, Dallas, Denver, LA, Miami, New York/New Jersey, and San Jose.

With summer around the corner, getting out and meeting your online crush or signing up for a speed dating event in your city may just be the perfect recipe for romance.

The app will co-host free evening events with TopGolf in nine cities per month, including Atlanta, Austin, Chicago, Dallas, Denver, LA, Miami, New York/New Jersey, and San Jose in May and June.

With summer around the corner, getting out and meeting your online crush or signing up for a speed dating event in your city may be the perfect recipe for romance.

Need a quick coaching call to get ready for your offline or speed date? 

5 Tips to Stand Out During Dating’s Peak Season

Hang on to your digital hats, grab your calendars, and make your mobile phone your new BFF, as the peak season for dating is here.

What is peak dating season? Let me decode the dating season trends for you.

Peak season starts the day after Christmas, December 26th, and runs through Valentine’s Day. 

The busy season for dating begins in the middle of an earlier calendar trend of Cuffing Season, which runs from Autumn through February 14th.

Add in the fact that breakup season, yes, that’s very real, peaked from December 11th – 24th, the two weeks leading up to Christmas, and we now have the perfect trifecta for finding love.

Sound confusing? Not really.

Every year, when the weather cools down, the desire to couple up begins in the Fall. It’s also a time when couples evaluate their relationship health, and if they don’t see the relationship going the distance, they often decide to part ways.

Meanwhile, singles go on a quest to change their relationship statuses to find a New Year’s or a Valentine’s date, after a melancholy holiday, making it the perfect time to get back into the dating game.

Here are my favorite tips to help you join the digital party. 

1. Update Your Dating Profile and Photos

If you want to put your best digital foot forward, it’s time for a digital facelift of last season’s profile, and photos matter. Remember, you’re only as attractive as your least attractive photo, so ditch the bathroom selfie and picture wearing sunglasses and upload six to eight photos to have a greater chance of someone reaching out or responding to you.

Did you get a new puppy? Women love photos of men with their puppies. Post a few shots and let your potential date know the name of your four-legged friend in the captions. If you’ve just returned from a great vacation, post some scenic shots, add captions, and search using the travel keyword.

The good news is you’ll start receiving notifications and comments about your photos, so you can see which ones are the most popular when swapping or rotating pictures. It’s also the perfect opportunity to respond to those who have complimented you.

Still having trouble staying within the character count of your mobile dating profile? Enlist the service of a friend or a dating coach to help you shine and look your best.

2. Look at Your Best Matches.

Dating apps and the use of AI do help create better matches for you, so pay attention to the Best Bees feature in the diamond icon on Bumble or the Highlights on Match. Both apps curate matches based on your profile’s likes, which will help with feeling overwhelmed. Bumble also shows your Best Bees in your Match queue. 

3. Boost Your Profile to Appear at the Top of a Search. 

The good news is that hundreds of millions of singles use dating apps worldwide. The frustrating news is there are too many matches to consider, and I don’t want to see you get overwhelmed during this busy time, so let the algorithms do their magic.

Most apps have a Boost feature, where you will be more visible at the top of a search for 30 to 60 minutes, and many provide a free boost or a spotlight bump monthly. You’ll need to pay for a premium feature or service plan for more Boost opportunities.

My recommendation is to use the Boost or Spotlight features on Sunday or Monday nights between 7 pm and 10 pm. Why? Because a weekend without a date, or one where you’ve had a disappointing date without chemistry, means you should press the restart button for the new week.

4. Don’t Wait. Initiate. 

At the end of your Boost, take a peek at who’s viewed your profile and reach out to start a conversation. Being proactive will help you stand out. So don’t let your matches expire or your profile become hidden due to inactivity.

Dating apps reward users who log on more frequently, so a daily log-on is essential to being found. 

5. Cast a Wider Net and Search in Other Cities. 

Dating apps are location-based and often match you based on geography over compatibility. I say, don’t let distance become a barrier to finding love.

Check out Tinder’s Passport feature, available in Tinder Plus and above, which allows you to search in other cities and helps when you’re planning to travel or have another city you’re interested in relocating to.

On Bumble, you can pay for Travel Mode, and over on OkCupid and Match in the desktop version, you can search in other cities besides the one listed in your profile. 

At the end of the digital day, peak season is here, and it’s time to join the digital party and fill your date cards.

Happy swiping and matching. 

3 Ways to Know if You’re on a Date, or In the Friend Zone

These days, meeting someone online for drinks doesn’t always equate to going on a romantic date. Add in to the equation that many singles tend to go out in groups, so defining dating has become complicated.

Unless you’ve met someone on a dating app, and you’ve stated that you’re looking for a long-term relationship, meeting someone you like or have a crush on for drinks could mean a several things.

From getting together to hang out casually to, expanding your social network or even to talking shop if you met this person in the course of business, unless they lean in for a kiss, you might be in the friend zone, for now.

With all of these possibilities, it might be baffling to know in advance if you’ll be on the same romantic page as the person you’re meeting for happy hour during the week.

Ramp Up Your Flirting Skills 

To know for sure if you’re on a date, notice if there are visible signs of flirting. This could be in the form of sending regular text messages, possibly with a flirt emoticon, letting you know they’re single, and watching their body language to see if they smile when they see you.

Since first dates need to be in a low-pressure environment, I always advise going on a date to expand your social network and also to see if there’s any chemistry. There’s nothing worse than meeting someone you’ve got a crush on, only to find out they have a live-in partner they never mentioned before.

If you’re female, and you’re hoping your upcoming get together will be a romantic evening, make sure you dress up for the occasion. That means to change your outfit from work-mode to something a little flirtier such as a little black dress with a jacket and boots, add a little lipstick, and you’re ready to go.

Be Interested in Your Date

Remember to listen more than talk to find out more about the person you’re meeting for drinks.

Watch for their body language when you arrive. Are you greeted with a hug and a smile, or a handshake with your chair pulled out for you.

Try to limit your alcoholic intake to one drink, and at the end of the date, see if they’d like to get together again. If the person you’re meeting picks up the tab, that’s code for being on an official date, and a great sign if you feel the same.

If they suggest splitting the bill, know that you’re in the friend zone, and be okay with it. You never know if this person has a friend they could introduce you to, so be an exciting date, regardless of the label.

Follow Up When You’re Still Aglow

If you had a great time on your date, send a text the same evening to thank your date for getting together, and to let them know you had a great time and look forward to seeing them again.

Don’t play the waiting game, because the squeaky wheel gets the digital love deal.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. As an early adopter of the Internet, Julie’s been coaching singles on finding love online for 25 years. 

7 Tips for Dating the Second Time Around

With the popularity of The Golden Bachelorette and The Later Daters on Netflix, produced by Michelle Obama, which follows six singles 50+ on their quest to find love, all eyes are on the boomer-aged singles.

As we head into the New Year filled with resolution and hope, I’m excited to share that my dating advice is featured in Northern Virginia magazine. In the article “Second Time Around,” Seniors and dating experts share tips on finding love in your golden years,” I shared seven tips for singles over 50.

Let’s Get Started

TIP 1: Let the world know you’re ready to date.

Start by asking your friends and family if they know someone special to introduce you to. Look within your local community to meet new people. Consider taking a class at a senior center or a community college, joining a book club, or volunteering at a non-profile or a museum.

TIP 2: You need both an online and offline strategy.

Getting back into the dating game at any age is challenging, but it’s easier now to find someone 50+ with the massive popularity of online dating. Plus, did you know twice as many couples meet online than through friends? It’s time to create an irresistible dating profile to attract your perfect match.

TIP 3: Write down your dating intentions.

It’s essential to know the type of relationship you’re looking for.

Being specific about your dating intentions and knowing your end goal before you start your search, will help you find compatible matches. Realize that some singles want to go on an abundance of dates to meet new people, while others know they’re looking for a committed relationship with one partner. 

It’s easy to determine, by noting your potential date’s relationship goals in their profile. Or take the to discuss the type of relationship you desire with your date when you think you’ve made a connection to make sure you’re on the same page.

TIP 4: Discuss your dating plan with family.

By now, you and those you hope to attract might have an extended family, including children and grandchildren. Before you start dating again, discuss your desire to partner with your family for them to get on board with your plan.

Once you meet someone especial, ask them about the importance of time they spend with their family before you start blending. Does one person spend every Sunday with their grandchildren? Are they from a split family and only get to see them every other weekend, or do they live out of town?

Understand that bringing someone new into your family mix can wait until you mutually decide to become exclusive to avoid confusion and revolving doors with family members.

Once you’ve got a steady date, it’s time to have conversations to ensure you’re on the same page, which brings us to Tip #5.

TIP5: Confirm your relationship type with your partner. 

When looking for love a second or third time around, you’ve learned a lot of lessons from your past. Knowing that you’re embarking on a new (and possibly last) chapter with a partner, it’s time to ask some key questions for compatibility.

From deciding on relationship labels (boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, significant other) to monogamy or non-monogamy, marriage or life partner, you shouldn’t play a guessing game or walk on eggshells in your new relationship. 

TIP 6: Let’s talk about money. 

Being fiscally responsible and having a good credit score is the new sexy. But when should you have the money talk? While it might not sound romantic, it’s responsible, and essential.

Some questions to discuss with your partner include, Will you be combining finances or keeping them separate? Who will pay for vacations, entertainment, and dates? Is one person a saver, while the other is a spender? Money and finances can make or break a relationship so I recommend asking these questions to ensure a healthy romantic journey.

TIP 7: To relocate, or not to relocate.

Long-distance dating has become more popular, in part, due to the growth of online dating. I always says, “Don’t Get Hung up on Zip Codes,” when you start dating again. Many singles will move for love, and often with thanks to technology, people can work remotely. 

Ask your partner if their goal is to live under the same roof or if they prefer to maintain two separate households. 

As you recall, in The Golden Bachelor, Theresa Nist and Gerry Turner could not agree on where to live, and this issue was a critical factor in the demise of their short-lived marriage.

However, with several hundred million singles dating online worldwide, zip codes and distance are not barriers to finding love.

Finally, Don’t give up.

If you forge a relationship that runs its course after six to 12 weeks, don’t panic. Love doesn’t have an expiration date, and everyone deserves a second or third chance to find someone special. 

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam.